Day Twenty-One

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"Inspiration, in the eyes that have watched you. Hope, in the minds that have admired you. And love, in the hearts that have known you." -Mike Dooley

So I got this in my inbox today. And despite the fact that it's pretty damn similar (in structure and theme, at least) to all the other ones I've gotten in the past two years, this one, for whatever reason,  hardcore made me think. We're such a social species, and point blank, we need one another. I can't even tell you how many conversations I've joined regarding the post-2013 zombie apocalypse, and weirdly enough, the first thing out of someone's mouth is never, "I fear for the safety of my brains," but rather, "I wouldn't be able to take it if I was the only one left." 

So then I start thinking about the interactions that I see every day between people that supposedly need one another. And while this whole experiment is meant to train me to see the positives, sometimes I can't help but note how many words come out of people's mouths--how many things people deliberately do--with the intention of causing jealousy, or inferiority, or pity. 

So someone wants what you have, or won't tread on your toes because they're intimidated, or pays you some attention because they feel inclined. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's real interaction, and I don't think that's the type of stuff that makes up a person's self-worth. Real self-worth is looking back on words spoken, ideas expressed, and actions performed, and realizing that, somewhere along the line, you were a conduit of those three things that seemingly everyone's looking out for. 

In addition, It's come to my attention that I start too many paragraphs with the word 'so.' 

So sue me. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Sent an e-mail (hella 90s of me but quit icing my grill) to a friend whom I haven't spoken to in a while. I figure it's nice to let someone know that even though you fell off the face of the earth for an extended period of time, you never forgot the ways in which they contributed to the person you turned out to be. 

(2). Pushed back homework-time to spend the afternoon with the lovely Sarah (One of my two valentines; the other one's my mom. Pimpin' it). She slipped this guy into my bag right before I left to come home. Adorable. 

I initially had a picture of her holding it, but I don't think it saved properly to my phone. I reiterate: Way to fail, Maria. Way to fail. 

• Help out a stranger

Purchased tea for two friends of a friend--Jake (the sickling) and Chris (the caretaker of the sickling). Two exceptionally nice guys, and no longer strangers. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Alright guys. So granted it's nine days until I'm at thirty, this might seem like a bit of a cop-out, but here's what I'm thinking: I'm going to switch this one up, because it's no longer pertinent to my life. Over break, sleeping until four PM was a pretty realistic issue, but now that I'm back at school, I'm up and out pretty early every morning. I'm not getting as much out of this one as I could be, and the last thing I want is credit for something made easy by factors that I've got no control over. 

Revised game plan: I'm going to start living without thinking, and in retrospect, that statement might need some explanation. Disclaimer: Not talking about mindless cross-the-street-with-your-eyes-closed-and-develop-a-severe-case-of-insulting-word-vomit-related choices. What I mean to say is that I constantly find myself making excuses as to why I can't, when really, "can't" is just another way of saying, "I don't feel like using the time and energy it's going to take to figure out a way to juggle both this and the initial plan I had in my head." So, in so many words, I'm going to work on embracing change. I'm going to choose one situation every day in which I will not mentally run through every single possible outcome in search of a reason why I shouldn't. I'm just gonna say yes and run with it. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Ohhhh, Stumbleupon; you never cease to thrill me. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yes and no. Dammit again. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Alright. So today, I decided that I love it here. It's pretty, and it's got culture, and people do whatever the hell they want without feeling like they have to answer to anyone but themselves. Not to mention that the townies obtain Gandalf-like walking sticks and talk to themselves and everyone else within a ten foot radius. 

"What?" you ask. "That doesn't sound scary at all. Good thing you're a heartless bitch who gets uneasy when experiencing positive emotion." 

Yeah, well, turns out that humans are pretty awful at settling down. It's an evolutionary trait that we're programmed with, because the monkey that obtained the banana, was happy with the banana, and stayed happy with the banana long after it was gone, well, he starved to death. 

We're constantly looking for more happiness, more experience, more things we've never felt before--so much so that there's this constant whatever-it-is lurking over our shoulders, telling us that somewhere else, something cooler must be happening. The whole grass-is-greener analogy. Trust me when I say that it takes a hell of a lot of self-convincing--especially for an aspiring writer--to decide, "No. Right here is where all the stuff's happening. Right here is where I need to be at this exact second." 

And this mindset--once you get the hang of it, because your "this is bullshit" alarm's gonna go off a couple hundred times before you start to believe it--is pretty much the most liberating thing ever. Turns out that it's not where you are that's stopping you from happiness and experience and those things you've never felt before.  It's just the what-ifs that blind us from seeing them in the first place.

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above.
(2). See below. 
(3). See this flash-mob that broke out in the SUB today. Not going to lie; I don't even 100% know what it was for, or what was going on. But lots and lots of people were dancing and being happy and inspiring and stuff, so screw you if you don't appreciate mass-coordinated events and the backs of all these strangers' heads. 

Meditate

Sat for ten minutes before my feet even touched the floor this morning. 

• Look up at the sky 

 Yeah. That happened. Happy Valentine's Day, Errbody.

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