Day Ten

\

So I didn't get back home this morning until seven. Was chilling at my friend's house until way late, and we ended up falling asleep for a bit. By the time he and I woke up, it was getting light out and I figured I'd better head home.  This is going to sound ass-backwards granted I seemingly can't get myself out of bed before noon, but dawn is hands down my favorite time. These past couple days I've been sort of murky-headed. Not unhappy, necessarily, or even bad, but just not one-hundred-percent present. There's been this constant something in the back of my mind, and maybe it's that restlessness I feel every time I know stuff's just about to pick up and switch around on me again. But regardless, this morning while I was driving back home, it was impossible to feel like that. It was impossible to feel anything but all-enveloping consciousness. I think that's why I'm so enamored with the dawn; it's this transitioning period that everyone takes for granted because it's so easy to miss, so if you're lucky enough to catch it, you can't help but be entirely awake.

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Went and had dinner with my grandmother. To be honest, it's not like this was any skin off my back; this woman could boil a squirrel in a pot and I'd eat it. But despite how strong and confident and self-sufficient she is, I know she appreciates the company. 

(2). Offered to drive Paulie Cee when I knew he didn't have the gas for it. 

• Help out a stranger

Doing this new thing where I let people trying to get off side-roads and out of parking-lots go ahead of me during rush hour. In New Paltz, there's only really one main road going through the town, and around three or four in the afternoon, the traffic stacks up way past the bridge and its insane. This one time, a left turn took me fifteen minutes and it was the most frustrating thing in the world. People don't realize how little things like that can add to your overall stress level, and I don't think we should underestimate how easy it is to save someone some grief. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Yeah. Technically, I did do this one, but I pushed back going to bed instead of getting up out of it. College-kid life ftw. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Slowly but surely starting picking up my guitar again. I've been learning new songs here and there. I played this two-hour gig a week or two before I came home for break; pulled just about every song out of my repertoire for it and now I'm sick of all of them. If I get a few new ones under my belt I'll be way more likely to play. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check (late) and check (even later). 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Put myself out there and tested the waters with something that scares the absolute shit out of me. All in all, it didn't go so badly. Just goes to show that out of all the worst-case scenarios in our head, only one might end up happening, and most of the time, it doesn't even. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above. 
(2). See below. 
(3). See here:  

My roommate, Caitlin, having known of my love for fat birds, gave me this guy for Christmas. I've hung it from my rear-view mirror, and while I love having him there, it's this constant bittersweet reminder that she's not going to be around this semester. She's gone to study in London, and while I couldn't be happier for her and I wish her the best, she was my push behind transferring and my rock once I did. I'm genuinely going to miss her, but I'm looking forward to the strides that change should bring for the both of us.

Meditate

None today. 

• Look up at the sky 

Got a couple seconds of this before the clouds rolled in.

\

Day Nine

\

It's insane how short the days feel when I'm home on break. My schedule gets so warped so fast, and by the time I can actually bring myself to get up for the day and be a real person, the sun's gone and I've only got a few hours before people and places start shutting down. I'm wondering how I'll manage with this blog once I head back to school. On the one hand, after a miserable crash, I'll be back into the swing of things and running by a decent hour. On the other, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be kicking myself in the ass for opting to start this on top of what might potentially be one of the roughest semesters I've ever had. If nothing else, though, all of this is for sure going to be habit by the time I go back. It's only day nine, and I already find myself going about stuff with these ten objectives constantly in the back of my mind, and I guess that's the point of it. If happiness is a choice and you make the majority of your choices based on the patterns you're comfortable with, then all it takes is a little bit of conscious rewiring.  

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Stopped into the bakery while DeBonis was working and got my mom an eclair. I swear, those things are like crack to middle-aged Long Island women. 

(2). When in doubt, pick up some coffee for Paulie Cee. Got him his favorite--a red eye, apparently--not because I knew that, but because the barista who's got a crush on him informed me of such. Borderline creepy. 

• Help out a stranger

Missed this one today. I'll just be extra anti-New Yorker tomorrow. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Despite the fact that I didn't get to bed until eight, I was up by one this afternoon. I promptly rolled out of bed and wrote some. This is nothing to be proud of, and yet I am, so bite me. Game-plan for tomorrow: Wake up by nine and set several hours aside to come up with list of not-so-hella-90s phrases. Fresh ones. Yeah. Dope. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Craft-time is the best time. I'm actually pretty positive that if I ever won the lottery, everything I owned would be DIY and I would be singlehandedly responsible for the tenfold increase in net income for Michael's/AC Moore.

Mantra suggested by the lovely yoga instructor who teaches Monday meditation classes at my favorite studio. Heard this one at the last class I went to, and two weeks later, it's still stuck in my head. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yes and yes. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Stuck up for a viewpoint that I believed in, even though I'm damn-well positive it wasn't a popular one. All too often we shut out mouths just because it's the easiest thing to do, and while there's a time and a place for passivity, I've found that there's never any headway without a little friction. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above. 
(2). See below. 
(3). See this fat bird, because it's fat as hell. 

See, this slight fixation with fat animals? No damage done until they became trendy. Now places actually sell things like this 100%-nonfunctional porcelain bird. It does nothing but sit in the bird-cage that Caitlin made me for my birthday, and I'm not even going to deny the fact that every time I look at it, I get genuine joy from its severe level of obesity. 

Meditate

Planning on doing an hour or so directly after I hit publish, right before I crash for the night. 

• Look up at the sky 

Day, what? Four? Five of straight rain? Whatever, Gaia. Be a bitch. I've got these midnight-sky-and-stars-themed flowers. 

No, but for serious. When's it going to stop. 

\

Day Eight

\

Today was about as lazy as it gets for me. Rolled out of bed at four thirty PM, cooked some breakfast/lunch/dinner/I don't even know what to call it at that point, got ready with minimal effort, drove out to East Meadow to chill with my dad for a couple hours, came back here, got together with a good majority of the guys for old video games, guitar, and a few beers, and then spent roughly six hours hanging out with my friend Ryan until we were too loopy to form coherent sentences. Much like the seven-parter run-on I just haphazardly word-vomited onto you. Consequently, it's eight in the morning and I'm running on fumes, so this update's gonna be as low-quality as I can manage without it being Twilight-grade. Cool? Cool. 

Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Cooked Ryan some pancakes. After the amount of times I've typed out that sentence on this blog whilst only switching out the name, it's begun to dawn on me that this may be the only reason I have friends. 

(2). Picked my dad up some coffee on the way over to his house. Bitches Dads love coffee. 

Disclaimer: I made him pose like that. 

• Help out a stranger

Tried to hold the door open for three different strangers, and all three happened to be middle-aged men who insisted that I go through first. One called me ma'am. Foiled again. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Funny joke. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

I'm going to put "sleeping fourteen hours," even though that severely contradicts my previous goal. Here's why: I don't get hungover if I drink. (Fun Fact! All a hangover is is dehydration, so if you drink enough water to be peeing in ten minute intervals, you'll never get one). All I get is tired as hell. (Fun Fact! Most people don't go into REM sleep while drunk, and that's the stage in which we get the majority of our rejuvenation). Fun Fact! I've never felt more like slightly-edgier-Bill-Nye than I do after constructing that paragraph. Whatever. Here's my point. First seven hours were passed-out-restless-sleep, and the next seven actually did something for me. Believe it or not, when I woke up (the second time) I felt a lot better than I have in a while. Day after 21st or not. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check and no check. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

I've resumed talking to someone from my past whom I'd completely cut out of my life for the wrong reasons. Long story short, he was a constant reminder of my circumstances during the time in which I met him, and I really wasn't a huge fan of the person I was or the things I was doing. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I'm different now, he's different now, and the reminders that seem to emanate from him are in no way his fault. I don't think we'll ever be that close again--it's probably not that great of an idea as long as I'm trying to keep moving--but I don't think burning bridges is ever the best option. Often, you don't realize how exhausting it is to hold resentment in your soul until the minute you decide that it no longer suits you. Let go. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above. Hands down, greatest parent I could ever ask for. 
(2). See below. 
(3). See here. 

Said greatest parent has willingly agreed to watching this guy for me while I'm away at school. His name's Andy, and he's roughly the most useless ball of fluff I've ever been privileged enough to have sit on my shoulder. He looks pretty disgruntled here, and this picture's a tad misleading, because he's not that fat. I sort of wish he was, because I'm enamored with fat animals to the point of straight-up denying that Darwin's evolutionary theory should even be a thing, but still. He's cute and just herpderps around on his perch all day, and I love seeing him when I'm East Meadow. 

Meditate

Roughly an hour, earlier tonight in between plans. 

• Look up at the sky 

The weather's been awful for days, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised, because it was incredible for about a week straight, and nothing's anything without some balance. I got a couple minutes of sky-time when the sun was setting, but I didn't actually see it through these thick dryer-lint-looking clouds. By dusk, it was raining. Still, if consciousness teaches us anything, it's that appreciation can be had for just about all circumstance at any given moment. Few things are as gorgeous as a light-streaked, dead-empty Merrick Road. I love feeling like the traffic lights are changing for no reason at all. 

\

Days Six and Seven

\

So the past two days have been beyond ridiculous, and I have not stopped moving from the second I got up until the second I crashed. Which, on Saturday in particular, happened to be about two hours before I had to get up for Sunday. Still, I've kept up with everything except for the actual posts, which I'll condense into one for efficiency's sake and finally take care of now. 

Show two four people how much they mean to me

(1). Made Paulie Cee a homecooked meal as preparation for his interview. Which he ended up eating after his interview, but whatever, he got fed. 

(2). Played DD (designated driver, for all the dweebs who instinctively put an ampersand between there) on Saturday and drove two friends home. 

(4). Got up at an ungodly hour to go say goodbye to my lovely cousin who caught a plane to Italy yesterday, where she will be studying for the next six months. Genuinely going to miss her, and I hope she sees beautiful things, meets incredible people, and stays perpetually hammered on fine Italian wine. 

• Help out a two strangers

(1). Went to get my tire fixed, and the guy at the place told me, "Don't worry about paying; just tip the mechanic." I gave the mechanic roughly twice the price of the tire. I don't know that guy's life story, and for all I know, to say "he needs it more than I do" could be a vastly erroneous statement. But I'm finding that the more you treat people--especially strangers--like you owe them the world and they're where they are for a reason, the less disconnectedness you feel, and I'd say that's the stuff that sparks unhappiness in the first place.

(2). A woman came into the Leaky Lifeboat yesterday having lost her phone. I helped her look for it, but unfortunately, I don't think she ended up finding it. Here's to hoping it turns up somewhere.

• Live instead of sleeping

Was up by ten both days, spending time with awesome people, the following five of which I'm blessed enough to place under the category of "my family." 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

I am unembarassed to say that I have done absolutely none of this, and not for a second has that been a bad thing. I spent the last two days surrounded by acquaintances and friends and strangers and family, all who have been really, really wonderful. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Better late than never. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

In the past couple of days, I've pushed myself to get to know some people that I'd never think I'd click with. One in particular was a fifty-something Irish-as-hell bar-owner who knew both my parents, and he turned out to be one of the most genuinely sweet people I've ever had the pleasure of acquainting myself with. Turns out that he's looking for someone to play a couple sets at his bar on an off-night, and when he learned that I'm big into guitar, he gave me his number and told me to contact him as soon as I'm home for the summer. I guess the second half of the stranger-thing is that you never know who's gonna be able to help you out in return. 

• Take three six pictures of three six beautiful things.

(1). See above.
(2). See above.
(3). See above. 
(4). These guys

(5.) This cake, made by my grandmother, which was hands-down one of the greatest things I've ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth, and if any of you that's-what-she-saided that, I just want you to think about the fact that we're talking about a sweet elderly Italian woman here, you sick freak. 

(6). This guy: My good friend Ryan, posing with my very first legally-bought bar drink. White Russian: I am The Dude. 

Meditate

Twenty minutes last night and fifteen on Saturday. 

• Look up at the sky 

It's been doing this disgusting misting thing for the past seventy-two hours, and I couldn't see three feet in front of my face, nevermind the sky. I can't even pretend that my birthday's been any less awesome because of it. To 92 people who wished me a happy birthday (Facebook does the counting; I'm not that pathetic), to Chelsea, Paul, Kristen, Kristian, and Ryan for coming out with me, to Sean and Dan the bartenders for the opportunities and on-the-house drinks, to mechanic-guy for doing an awesome job with my tire,  to my mother and my grandmother for the incredible meals, to Caitlin, Diana, Paula, Kristen and Kayla for the multiple cakes, and to the thirty-some-odd kids who sang at midnight on Saturday and tried to pour birthday shots in my mouth despite the fact that it was closed, thank you thank you thank you <3 The only people who don't get thank-yous are the three establishments that didn't once card me, you sons of bitches. 

\

Day Five

\

Today was a bit of a wreck as far as getting stuff done. Realized my car had a flat just as I was headed out for the day, so I turned around, parked it out front, and there it will sit until tomorrow. Hopefully, by then, it'll have stopped pissing rain. Also, my camera's decided to tap out as well, so please excuse the awful phone-grade quality of the photographs I've uploaded.

Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Shared some of my rainbow cookie ice-cream (hands down, best stuff ever) with the lovely Christine as a thanks for offering to come get me when she found out I was stranded. 

(2). Helped the lovely Yna brainstorm some new ideas for writing-purposes. 

• Help out a stranger

Nada. Barely came into contact with anyone I didn't know. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Had Nick give me a wake-up call around ten, so I got up and meditated for about twenty minutes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't pass out again directly afterwards. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Put on some pink sheep pajama pants, cuddled up with my laptop and a cup of tea, and just straight-up freewrote. It's been forever since I've done that, although I've got no idea why, because it's one of the only things that makes me entirely forget that time's one of those things that kinda matters. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

See here. See above.  

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

None of this today. I'll just have to act extra batshit tomorrow. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). This guy. 

Found this sucker tucked into the pages of my eighth grade year book. Upon looking at it, the commentary of my fourteen-year-old-self resurfaced: "This is so badass. I'm saving this for my first car." Low and behold. First car, meet Teen Girl Squad bumper sticker.  So glad my interests haven't matured in the slightest. 

(2.) This guy. 

I think it's been about twelve years since I got a dress specifically for my birthday. It also happened to be on its own, wandering amongst a rack of tee-shirts, and--as far as I know--the only one of its size. First dress I tried on, and it fit like a glove. Best birthday present ever, granted shopping usually makes me want to punt everything in sight.

(3.) This guy. 

As ass-backwards as it seems, I've decided that this--after a bit of contemplation, anyway--is beautiful to me. I've had this car for about six months, and I've already started to take it for granted. I've gotten so used to grabbing my keys and heading wherever I need to get, and long forgotten were the days (more like years; twenty, to be exact) of losering around on my bike. After I get this taken care of tomorrow, I'll be insanely grateful to have it again. 

Meditate

Twenty minutes in the morning and twenty in the afternoon. 

• Look up at the sky 

Rain, rain, go away. 

\

Day Four

\

"When giving careful and calculated thought on how else you might see certain situations differently than you now see them - including your entire life, for that matter - please keep in mind that occasionally being on 'the fringe,' is good. Real good."

Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Fed DeBonis pancakes while exhausted and headache-ridden. 
(2). Fed Qwazi pancakes while exhausted and headache-ridden. 

• Help out a stranger

Today I turned around on the line in a craft store to tell this chick she had badass hair--midnight blue, of course--and we got to talking. Turns out she's headed to New Paltz next year, so I gave her some pointers and assured her she'd love it. 

• Live instead of sleeping

It's sad how hard of a time I'm having with this one. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Broke out the new paints my brother got me for Christmas. I went through three canvases, this one being the third. Nowhere near done, but I've been meaning to do something for Will for a while, and I'll take any bit of progress. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check on the first, and as for the second, I plan to set aside a couple minutes before I crash tonight. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Hands down the most proud of myself I've been in weeks. Qwazi's got a new bike, and he asked me if I wanted to know what it was like to ride one. On top of my mother's you're-gonna-die voice resurfacing in my head every time I so much as look at the things, I'm shit-scared of roughly anything with a motor; nevermind the ones that have a hit-0r-miss center of balance. Took him up on his offer nonetheless, down the block and back. I'd be lying if I said I didn't come dangerously close to peeing myself. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above (or I'm hoping it'll be, after it's done).
(2). See below. 
(3). See here.

Since I slept instead of living (was supposed to go to Will's tree early in the morning with the guys) I went by myself on my way back from the craft place. Every time I go, I find a couple more things that people have left, so while I was looking at them, I saw this woman across the street moving bags and bags of garbage out to the curb--probably stuff that got trashed in the hurricane.  I assume she'd known Will, having lived right across from him, but I dunno how well, or if they'd ever spoken before. After I got into my car and was driving away, she caught my eye and waved to me. Sort of like she was saying sorry to me, even while she piled up all the stuff that she'd lost. I wanted to go back and see if she wanted help, but I broke down before I got the chance. I'm pretty sure I didn't know her--then again, I'm bad with names and even worse with faces-- but if I ever see her again, I'm going to tell her that her simple act of compassion helped way more than she knew. An impromptu reminder that we're never as alone as it seems. 

• Meditate

Spent fifteen minutes or so on the back stairs while the sun was going down, closed my eyes, and just breathed. 

• Look up at the sky 

Took this while I was at it. Is it just me, or was the sky extra vivid today? 

\

Day Three

\

Today was really, really great. While I did miss a couple things on the list, I spent the majority of the day with some people that mean everything to me, and my ribs are literally aching from laughing so hard. Guess that's alright; if I've learned anything about expectations, it's that keeping them flexible is the easiest way to keep content. I've been on my feet non-stop since I got out of bed this morning (legitimately morning this time) and only just now--at three thirteen AM--have I found time to sit down and write this. Soon as I press the publish button, I am going to crash so hard. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

Shared my evening with seven of the greatest people I've ever known. Semi-early birthday thing before everyone ships out to school and other countries whatnot, and I'm so, so happy that I've managed to stay close with these girls. Every single one has acted as my rock at least several times throughout my life, and I owe them everything for that. 

• Help out a stranger

Three doors held, two compliments given, one riveting conversation pertaining to waterproofing-shoe spray. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Didn't go on a walk, but got up an hour earlier than intended, got ready as quickly as possible, and took a ride to my dad's house to spend the afternoon with him. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

So I attempted to eat a hardboiled egg for breakfast ("Oh, protein's always a good idea, look how great I'm being") but yeah, turns out they're hard as shit to peel, and said egg actually exploded in my hands. This fifteen minutes with this mutilated egg was legitimately the only alone time I got today. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check on the blog; no way in hell for anything else. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

For dinner, my dad took me to this epic restaurant that served middle-eastern food. Never in my life tried some of this stuff, and while I'm usually good about trying new things, I'll put this one here, because A). It's always good to take a break from routine, and B). I got nothing else. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above. 
(2). See below. 
(3). See this cake that best friends/Marshall's Ice Cream employees Kayla and Kristin brought me for my birthday. Adorable. 

• Meditate

No go. Tomorrow, for sure. Two hours of it, if I have to. 

• Look up at the sky 

Driving to the restaurant, my dad and I happened to catch this gorgeous sunset. I made him pull over so I could get a good picture, which actually turned out to be a not-so-good picture, but you know what, at least it's not half-filled with oncoming traffic.

\

Day Two

\

Today was harder than I thought it'd be. It's pretty rough, adjusting to this. I'm used to only having to be conscious of time-management while I'm at school, and since this semester was more of a transitional period than anything else, I really haven't worked at it since my last semester at UC. I found myself struggling to make time for all this while still sticking to my old routine, and it just wasn't working. I think that's my first clue that I'm going to have to switch stuff up for the next 28 days if I want to make this work. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Baked cookies for this cutie right here.  

(2). Sent out a text to someone who meant the world to me almost four months ago; we've since drifted. I said I was sorry it didn't work, and took the blame for it. It's invigorating, owning up to something. I guess because it puts the ball back in your own court. You can't move on if you're always waiting for someone else to hand you closure. Sometimes you've gotta make your own. 

• Help out a stranger

Stopped to let a pedestrian cross in a parking lot? I know that's kinda the law, but no one ever even does it, dammit. Other than that, I didn't come into contact with any strangers today. Gotta step up my game on this one. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Yeah, not so much. This one's going to take a lot more adjusting than I'd previously thought. Tomorrow, first thing, going for a walk. It's been two weeks since I've been out in the light of day. This is not a metaphor. I am severely lacking in vitamin D.  

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Set aside fifteen minutes to clean up some of the clutter in my room. I'm starting to realize that it genuinely bums me out when I've got stuff thrown all around, but most of the time it's just this under-the-surface tension that builds until I finally break down and clean it. Creativity gets pretty clogged, too. It's rough, being home on break, because I'm basically living out of a suitcase for a month, afraid to mix my home-stuff with my school-stuff in case I forget something. Today was more of just a quick-fix--I'm planning on tearing this place apart and doing some serious organizing sometime in the next week--but it helped a little nonetheless. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check and check. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

I'm not good with confrontation sometimes. Specifically in situations where I know that I'm already drifting from someone, and saying something could make or break whatever strings we've still got attached. Today I opted to say something, and I'm glad I did. That whole middle-ground making-small-talk thing wasn't working much for me anyway. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above; known that lady for twenty years now, and adore her just as much as I always have. 
(2). See below. 
(3). See here: 

Owl bracelet my mom made for me. Occasionally she strays from her not-at-all-hipster design-style just to make jewelry for me. Good thing she wouldn't be caught dead wearing this. I, on the other hand, happen to absolutely love it. 

• Meditate

Check. And while I did light some candles and incense,

It was one of those nights where I really just couldn't keep thoughts from smacking against my skull. Thirty minutes in, I ditched out and did the following instead. 

• Look up at the sky 

Tonight, this one helped me more than anything else. I put on gloves and a scarf, grabbed a blanket, and went out back. Then I spent a couple minutes being frustrated with myself because I couldn't properly relax during meditation, and while I lay there, more and more resentment just started surfacing. Stupid stuff, to be honest, or things that I thought had stopped mattering. And, not going to lie, a little vexation toward my timing with this little challenge, because it's sort of mid-January and balls cold out. But after failing to clear my thoughts once again, I sort of just decided to let it be and observe the way my anger was keeping my whole body in this jaw-squared, muscles-tensed state. The resentment boiled for a grand total of two minutes before it just started ebbing away. Not as though it was being suppressed again, but as though it actually was being let go of. After that, I genuinely felt centered. I lay out back for about fifteen minutes more, and the sky was dead clear again, but I chose instead to tap into the sounds and atmospheric vibes that I hadn't noticed since I was a kid.  I'd forgotten that I could hear the train all the way from here, and that, at one point about fifteen years ago, I'd felt more at home in my treehouse than anywhere else on the face of the earth.  It was a hell of a lot more beneficial than my initial attempt at meditating, and I guess that's a good reminder that this type of stuff doesn't always need to be done conventionally; anywhere you're breathing, you can find your balance. 

\

Day One

\

Today's the first day I've felt unwaveringly centered in six months and twenty-eight days. I think I work well with lists and agendas. I think that in some kind of bizarre, contradictory way, they keep me impulsive--flexible, ironically enough. I'm more likely to go out and try to grasp onto experiences, rather than sitting around and waiting for one to fall into my lap. Here's to my first day with a fresh perspective. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). My older brother's a tad obsessed with Starbucks, so I grabbed him a cup while I was out. Our relationship's shifted a bit since I went off to college--I've changed and he's changed--and sometimes, I feel like the pressure's on because stuff's not the same as we left it. I get the feeling that sometimes he thinks I might not care anymore. That couldn't be further from the truth. 

(2). My childhood best friend was going to meet me at our yoga studio for a meditation class tonight, but opted out because she wasn't feeling well. I picked up a bag of M&Ms on the way back and dropped them in her mailbox. Most likely frozen solid by the time she got them. The jury would like to know: do good deeds still count if you break someone's jaw in the process? Awesome. 

• Help out a stranger

Went to hold the door for a stranger coming out of Sevs, and he took a step back, held the door for me, and insisted that I go through instead. I've always believed in Karma, but hands-down the quickest turnaround I've ever seen. 

• Live instead of sleeping

Good thing I decided that I was going to take on this challenge after I woke up today, which happened to be around three PM. Winning. Tomorrow's a new day. Wish me luck, granted I'll be up til about five-thirty so I can get this published tonight. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Started off the morning (afternoon) with a cup of green ginger tea rather than my usual black. No caffeine, tons of antioxidants  and the mere aura of pure healthiness that surrounded it was almost enough to make up for the fact that my tastebuds rolled into fetal position and sobbed. Also, favorite mug for the win. 

Alsox2, I know the exact question that's on your mind right now. You're wondering, "Does Maria always set down her tea cup upon a bed of seashells and crystals?" To which I answer, "Yes. Every day of my life."

• Write here and write elsewhere

Wrote two blog posts today, so I'm going to decide that makes up for the fact that I only wrote a sentence and a half of the fiction story I've been working on lately. I reiterate: Tomorrow's a new day.

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Today I told someone to do something that was best for his well-being, rather than my ego. You'd think this stuff would be Humanity-101, but really, it's insane how often we opt to take our own security over someone else's happiness. Maybe it might even be subconscious, but if we're not willing to take the time to stop, think it over, and really dig to the root of the problem, then we're just as guilty as we'd have been otherwise. Next time you're not 100% sure of what you want, make sure you're not keeping people around "just in case." Let them follow their own bliss. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above.

(2). See Below.

(3). See Here: 

Beyond terrible picture, but that's my favorite tree against the sky at dusk. Something to be said about stopping to reflect on the places that used to mean the world to us and have since faded into the background. Also, I've seen my fair share of beautiful places, but nowhere--nowhere-- beats a Long Island sky. Maybe it's the water's reflection. Maybe it's air pollution. Whatever, it's gorgeous. 

• Meditate

Tonight I returned to my favorite yoga studio for the Monday meditation they have there. I hadn't gone since before I left for school this semester, and not going to lie, I've missed it an insane amount. In the two months that I attended classes there this past summer, it effortlessly became one of my favorite places in the world. I'm telling you, instant feeling of groundedness and contentment just by sitting on the mat. Here's a picture I snapped of the altar: 

And, finally, respectfully stolen from my star-gazing friend and guru,

• Look up at the sky 

Didn't think I'd get to this one, because by the time I got out of meditation, it was nine-thirty and I was already late to meet up with an old friend. I ended up sending a last-minute text, telling him to dress warm. We went out in my backyard together, put a blanket down, and stargazed for a while. Seriously, not a single cloud in the sky, and we even caught a meteor in our peripherals. If nothing else, I'm thrilled with the impromptu opportunity to rearrange plans. Nothing like a little improvisation to remind us that change is the only thing that's constant, and that way we're never, ever stuck. 

\

30 Day Challenge

\

This blog has been inspired by a friend and guru with whom I have been lucky enough to share both a path and a name. 
You can read her writings here.

All too often, we categorize life by the bad things. The break-ups, the endings, the shut-downs and the shut-outs. At the very least, things are “Okay,” “Getting better,” “Working on it,” and, only when we’re too exhausted to make excuses anymore, a “good” that’s come to mean next to nothing at all.

Call me an idealist, but I don’t think it should be that way. Life should be defined by the milestones reached, the friendships strengthened, the places seen, the enlightenment earned, the feelings of fullness, awareness, trust, gratitude and the overwhelming sense of awe that comes with the realization that we’re part of something much, much bigger.

Or, better yet, life shouldn’t be “defined” at all, because “defined” makes the claim that all of this can be captured and pinned down and explained. “Defined” takes life and limits it to the words and expectations that all too often fail us. Life shouldn’t be defined; it should be experienced.

My initial thought-process went something like this: “There’s no way in hell I could write a motivational self-help blog.” Here’s why. For one, I don’t do heavy.  I don’t do vulnerable. I don’t do non-fiction. I do whimsical and out-there and vulgar-ridden and made-up. For another, I really don’t do anything. I go to school, and I write, and I drink a lot of coffee, and my life is nothing short of typical and borderline uneventful. Where's the selling point in that? And, finally, who am I to preach? What gives me the right to share my beliefs with other people when, for the past seven months, I've been stuck in my own mourning period? When I’m just as “Okay,” “Getting better,” and “Working on it” as everyone else?

And here’s what I decided: For one, there’s a fine line between being limited and limiting yourself, and I don’t know of anyone who’s ever learned anything about their fears or their quirks or their ambitions while they were stuck in their comfort zone. For another, the happiest people don’t “do”—the happiest people “be.” They take every moment, whether it’s filled with nothing or everything, and decide it’s something worth experiencing. And, finally, healing starts when and where we say it starts. Mine starts now.

These are my thirty days to a fresh perspective.

And these are the ten things I’ll be achieving daily:

• Show two people how much they mean to me

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." — Leo Buscaglia

• Help out a stranger

"We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness." -Charlie Chaplin

• Live instead of sleeping

"Seeking is endless. It never comes to a state of rest; it never ceases." -Sharon Salzberg

• Do something good for myself, by myself

"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here. Believe in kissing." -Eve Ensler

• Write here and write elsewhere

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemingway

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

"Those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russel

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

"You don't make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved." -Ansel Adams

• Meditate

"You asked me how to get out of the finite dimensions when I feel like it. I certainly don't use logic when I do it. Logic's the first thing you have to get rid of." -JD Salinger

And, finally, respectfully stolen from my star-gazing friend and guru,

• Look up at the sky 

"Nothing brings me back to center or fills me with the life of the universe like looking up at a starry night sky." -Maria F.

\