Day Thirty

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I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, and decided that today was Day Thirty, and therefore today would be mindblowingly remarkable.  Fourteen hours later, after positively nothing bizarre, outstanding, or victoriously-drop-to-your-knees-and-sob-tears-of-enlightenment-worthy had happened, I genuinely considered putting Day Thirty off until tomorrow. I'm kind of glad I didn't. Here's why:

"Resolution" is such an arbitrary word, because nothing's ever really over. We like to put brackets around things--declare this "the start" and that "the end," but really, the universe doesn't work like that. The universe just keeps trekking on,  flowing, taking things moment by moment, and leaving the past with yesterday and the future for tomorrow.

We can't let beginnings scare us, and we can't let endings finish us. They're all in our heads--this misperceived notion that experiences can be labeled and contained and planned out.  Living--real living--is deciding that this moment won't ever be the things you miss, and it won't ever be all the things you might be hoping for.  It'll always just be this moment, but that enough. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Covered lunch for a Miss Sarah. 
(2). Got in touch with six people I hadn't spoken to in a while, just as a way to let them know that I hadn't stopped thinking about them. 

Help out a stranger

Lent a pen and a piece of looseleaf to a guy in my contemplative thought class who'd forgotten both. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Made an impromptu decision to go to Salvo with Reese instead of starting my homework. My objective was to find oversized man-flannels, and oh, did I succeed. I've also managed to obtain this bamf leather jacket, which means I can now with a clear conscience <joke> proceed toward my plans of joining a biker gang and getting a face tattoo </joke>. 

We also passed this really sick barn/shed thing on the way, and I had to take a picture of it. I've always had this fascination with sheds. Probably because they're the closest things hobbit holes the real world's got, and God knows I'd give one of my limbs to chill in a hobbit hole for the remainder of my life. Kindly refrain from all short jokes/unnecessary sexual innuendos. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Revived this notebook off my bookshelf and finally thought up a purpose for it. I bought it in some bookstore in Pennsylvania when I was still at UC, but I thought it was way too pretty to use for just anything, so the pages are still blank. I've decided I'm going to use it to keep up with these objectives--not as strictly as I've done here, but if one of them comes up, I'll jot it down for future reference when I have a way-to-suck type of day. It'll be a good way of reminding myself that I have, in fact, made a significant amount of progress. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yes and no. Dammit. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Serious-time: I took someone who I really, genuinely care about, sat him down, and did my best to articulate the honest and entire truth to him. Honesty is something that we're all scared shitless over, because a lot of times, the most common thoughts and mental processes don't particularly line up with what's considered to be "polite" or "acceptable." I decided that it was better he knew exactly what was going through my mind, even if it changed his perception of me. Then again, perception's just a temporary thing; it can always be reshaped.

• Take three  pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above.
(2). See above.
(3). See below. 

Meditate

Roughly forty-five minutes during contemplative thought today. Though admittedly, ten of those minutes were spent doing this bizarre hand-raising counting-out-of-order exercise thing, and I'm unsure I've ever felt so stupid in my life. I was that kid saying the wrong numbers at the wrong times and messing everyone up. It was like the Fairfield Thanksgiving play all over again. #Thingstobringupintherapy.

• Look up at the sky 

Beyond awful picture, because I'm still using my phone as a camera, but that's a full moon shining through the clouds. I was initially disappointed as all hell that I wouldn't catch any stars on my last night, but admittedly, that halo is just as incredible. 

This won't be my final post; I'll be doing one last entry in a couple of days, once I've had a chance to go through old updates and collect my thoughts a little bit. It'll be a sort of reflection on the whole process, because it's been quite an enlightening, exhausting, overwhelming, and amazing thirty days, and I think I owe this project just a little bit of commentary. 

"I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand. I teach in order to learn." -Robert Frost

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Days Twenty-Eight and Twenty-Nine

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I've never, ever been one for transition. As far as I've always been concerned, "transition" translated to "lack of safety,"--a feeling without closure, like all you can do is wait for your feet to touch ground again. For the longest time, I was of the belief that if I wasn't moving toward something specific, then I wasn't moving at all. That's a hard thing to be okay with. 

I'm slowly learning that it's not consistency and safety and destinations that teach us. It's the things that we're genuinely unsure about. It's the times when our heads are so murky, we can't even decipher one thought from another from another. It's having the awareness to realize that you've been uprooted, as well as the self-restraint to keep yourself from running toward the first out you find. The balls to stay rooted in uprootedness, so to speak, so we can learn that adventure's never something we find in our own backyards. 

Sorry about the lack of updates, you guys. I've kind of been busy transitioning. 

• Show two four people how much they mean to me

(1). Called the lovely Maria to say hello and catch up. She didn't pick up, and we've been playing phone-tag ever since, but I left her a voicemail to let her know I was thinking of her. 

(2).  Cleared my schedule and went a bit out of my way to see a Miss Caitlyn, who was throwing a party at her house a couple towns away and had asked me to be there. 

(3).  Cleared my schedule and went a bit out of my way to see a Miss Suzanne, whom I was really close with in high school, but haven't had much of a chance to spend time with since. She was visiting New Paltz this weekend, and it was absolutely incredible to chill with her again.

(4). Covered a couple games of pool so me and this guy could try to stop sucking so much. No improvement was made and  there was many an accidental sink of the eight ball. Good stuff. 

Help out a two stranger[s]

Picked up three (#overachieving) of Caitlyn's friends on the way to her party; they live on campus and had no other ride, so I offered to bring them with me. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

This whole weekend's been an onslaught of impulsiveness, and not just because I've killed enough brain cells in the past two days to severely inhibit my decision-making. Just kidding. But really, things just seemed to pan out in an effortless-stepping-stone kind of way, and going with the flow turned out to be a lot easier than I'd previously anticipated. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Burned some more sage and did another cleansing. Seriously, this stuff's the best. I recommend it to anyone who A). Feels an unwarranted emotional imbalance, B). Senses a constant negativity in his/her surroundings, C). Has pyromaniacal tendencies, D). Would like to experience a smell not unlike the combination of campfires, incense, and bacon. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yes and yes. A three-page explication of a poem by some dead puritan dude (not cool) and an article about meditation for the Immunitrition Newsletter (insanely cool). I wrote some articles for them this summer, and I'm really, really excited to be getting back into it. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Prompted the transition rant and currently scaring the everloving shit out of me: I'm choosing not to put an end to a situation that, in all honesty, I have no idea where it'll lead. I'm choosing to settle with inconsistency, embrace doubt, and hold off the decision-making until I'm given the opportunity to learn something about myself and all person[s] involved. Also, I like to pretend that commitment doesn't scare me way more than it should. 

• Take three six pictures of three six beautiful things.

(1). See above. 
(2). See above.
(3). See this way-cooler-than-the-generic-horizontal perspective of a tree. 

(4). See this awesome group of kids, who, despite their miserable expressions, are actually damn thrilled to be at this social gathering. 

(5). See this expertly-drawn portrait of me and my good friend Nick. 100% accurate and 112% relevant to the optimistic, spreading-the-love theme of this blog. 

(6). See below. 

Meditate

On and off for the past couple days, a few minutes here and there. I'm way overdue for a solid one-hour meditation. Contemplative Thought class tomorrow. Here's to hoping we stay put in the classroom this time. 

• Look up at the sky 

I don't particularly care if you guys are getting sick of these barely-visible mountains and all-look-the-same clouds. I don't think I'll ever fall out of love with the way this place looks at dusk. 

One more day, you guys. 

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Day Twenty-Seven

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So I've got this one professor who teaches that contemplative thought class I'm always talking about. Now, anyone who leads an hour-long class in which you're expected to sit in complete silence for three fourths the time has got to be interesting, so I guess it's no surprise that from day one, this dude intrigued me. But, strangely enough, it had absolutely nothing to do with the things he said to us; it was all about the stuff he didn't say. 

Absolutely everything this guy does is conscious, mindful, and deliberate. This one chick asked him how many pages the final project should be, and he laced his fingers together, nodded for a good thirty seconds, and then, finally, after really, really mulling it over, he answered her. Now, I don't even slightly remember what his answer was (and I probably should check up on that, because A). it's due relatively soon, and B). I'm contradicting my own point here) but I do remember how taken aback this girl was, solely because he'd taken the time to carefully consider her question. Turns out that our world's so filled with half-assed phone-in-hand conversations and robotic how-are-yous that, when you give someone the attention they deserve, it actually catches them off guard. Go figure.

Conclusion: Watch the things you say. Be mindful of the things you do. Take your personal worries and push them out of your head unless they serve an immediate purpose. Otherwise, they've got no business polluting the rest of your time. Stop thinking about what happened yesterday, and stop thinking about the stuff you have to do tomorrow. Instead, focus on the people and things that are right here, right now, right in front of you. Listen to what someone else is saying to you, and make them feel like the words they're trying to express to you are not a wasted effort. We can't change the past, and anticipating the future is as good as pinning one in an infinity of possibilities. So if you really think about it, all we'll ever have is this exact second. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Coffee for Sarah. 
(2). Muffin for Reese. 

Help out a stranger

Went into this awesome hippie-stuff shop in town to get sage for [see below] and I ended up starting a conversation with the woman who owns it. We were talking for about ten minutes before I realized that I knew a hell of a lot about the building we were standing in and a hell of a lot about the products she sold, yet I knew virtually nothing about her. I remember reading somewhere--I'm pretty sure it was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People-- that, for most people, the sweetest sound is the sound of their own name. I asked her what it was. I'll make it a point to remember it. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

A Mr. Pattwell texted me earlier and I asked if I wanted to go play a couple games of pool with him, a Mr. Savidge, and a couple of their friends. Opted to go even though A). I had to blow off a date with a certain Geoffrey Chaucer and his vernacular rambling about a bunch of pilgrims, and B). I tend to have the hand-eye coordination of a blind, single-finned trout whilst playing this game. It was fun nonetheless. Kind of seriously needed a break anyway. 

Kindly excuse the fact that this is hands down one of the worst pictures I've ever taken. Turns out it's kind of hard to hit balls when there's a camera on the table. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Craft time. Ahhhh yeah. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yep, nope. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

So last night I was chilling in my kitchen with my two roommates, and there was some pretty serious tension. Not between us, and not for any particular reason, but the energy was significantly low, and it seemed a lot more intense than just a casual synchronizing of cycles. Emily and I were talking about it this morning, and it turns out that both of us regularly experience a disorienting, heavy energy in the apartment when there's really no reason for it. I adore both my roommates, we've got tons of space, and this room's perfect for me, what with its seabreeze green walls, borderline-obsessive abundance of candles, and stuffed carrot man. 

I've heard a lot about how a space can soak up the energies of the people who've been in it, and if that's true, the disoriented feeling would make a crapton of sense. Judging by the footsteps-to-creaking ratio, this place is pretty damn old, and I'm sure tons of people have lived, fought, cried, laughed, stressed, and smoked copious amounts of god-knows-what within these walls. I'd never done a cleansing before, but I figured it couldn't hurt. Emily and I said a couple positive affirmations, did a quick meditation, and went around the house with some sage. I can't even begin to stress how much better it feels in here right now. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above. 
(2). See above.
(3). See above. 

Meditate

Besides the cleansing meditation, no. I'll get in a few more minutes before bed tonight,  

• Look up at the sky 

Stared upwards the whole walk to the pool hall. Tons of stars, and mostly clear except for a couple clouds that rolled in towards the end. Still, they were thin enough that the moon could shine through them. Not sure if it was a natural thing or just air pollution, but there was a halo-like rainbow around it. Adorable.

"Two bubbles found they had rainbows on their curves. They flickered out saying: 'It was worth being a bubble, just to have held that rainbow thirty seconds.'"

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Day Twenty-Six

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Today was one of those days where it was taking every single ounce of my energy to keep myself afloat, and my usual methods for getting myself out of a bad place were doing jack-shit. I started with conscious breathing, then tried some meditation, then went on to yoga, then  drank roughly a liter of water under the pretense that if none of the aforementioned could pull me out of it, it must be dehydration, and then, after emptying my bladder twelve times only to find that I was still miserable, I admittedly sat cross-legged on my bed and tried exceedingly hard to make some tears come out. Yeah. Turns out I'm too much of a hardass to cry on demand. Who knew. 

Height-complex-related jokes aside, it took me hours to get why nothing was working, but finally, I figured it out. I'd forgotten the most important rule of being conscious. You've got to be. 

So long as everything's dependent on all these uncontrollable factors, we'll never feel okay. It's so insanely easy to let everything get in the way; the fact that your lungs still ache from the two-weeks-ago sickness that you refuse to refer to as anything less dramatic than "the plague," or the fact that your house is old and your town is college-like, and every little creak, tap, or drunken frat boy in the alley way outside your window makes your nerves tense up. The fact that, admittedly, you kind of suck at yoga, or the realization that you're not really a hardass--you're actually just so upset that you're past the point of crying. Probably the most frustrating, the fact that all this attempted-self-healing is stopping you from the mounds of hey-I'd-like-to-graduate-eventually that you've got chilling on your desk. 

Conclusion: When we're in a rough place, we have to acknowledge two things. 1). Nothing is more important than getting ourselves out of said rough place, so stop looking at it like it's time wasted, and 2). the only way to heal ourselves is to view uncontrollable factors not as road-blocks, but as a foundation on which to build ourselves up again. Accept them, because they're not going anywhere. You, on the other hand, can choose to stay knocked on your ass, or you get back up on your feet.

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Obtained chocolate from one of the pretty-sure-this-stuff's-infused-with-crack candy stores in town. Then proceeded to share it with this lovely lady right here. 

(2). Gave my number to a friend of a friend after he told me that his schedule doesn't always line up with other people's, so sometimes he eats alone. Yeah, there will be none of that. 

Help out a stranger

None today. I'll aim for two tomorrow. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Impulsively tuned into a live broadcast thingy after getting a last-minute e-mail from one of the philosophers/life coaches I've been following for a while. Had to put my homework on the back-burner--after being reminded that multitasking is not, contrary to popular belief, a gender thing--but whatever, that's fine. While an hour and a half might seem like a crazy long time to just sit and listen, I heard a lot of things that I really, really needed to hear. Proof that we usually find what we're looking for as soon as we decide we're ready for it. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Even though it didn't do much for my psyche, yoga did manage to knock some kinks out of my back. I now feel 15% less like a senior citizen than I did upon waking up this morning. Then again, I still plan on being in bed before one, and I did ingest raisin-flavored oatmeal earlier today. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Affirmative, negative. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

I decided a really long time ago that I wanted to be the one person who always picked up her phone, always had something positive to say, and always made time. Today I took a breather. Two friends came to me asking for help, and--after double-checking that it wasn't anything too intense--I told them I wasn't in the right frame of mind to do anything except heal. I've been there for them before, and I'll be there for them tomorrow, but I've finally come to terms with the fact that no one can be 100% dependable 100% of the time. There's nothing wrong with focusing inward every once in a while, because if you're not alright, you're in no place to help anyone else anyway. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See this candle, this mural thing that's painted on the side of one of the buildings in town, and this picture that came out way cooler than intended due to the reflections in the glass. Trippy shit. 

(4), because apparently I can't count, see below. 

Meditate

Yeah. Three entire hours of it--the legitimate kind, after I decided to just let everything be what it was. I've got enough endorphins floating around in my head to sedate a bear right now. 

• Look up at the sky 

Crazy bizarre weather today. It was switching from sunny to flurrying in five minute intervals. 

These through-the-clouds scenes are gorgeous, but I'm way overdue for a full hour of clear skies and countless stars. 

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Day Twenty-Five

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So as a Long Islander with an affinity for internet-based message boards, I kind of like being right. Probably a little too much for my own good. It doesn't help that I was raised by a woman who justifies her arguments with, "No, really, I saw it on 1000 Ways To Die." This is something I need to work on. 

One thing I never, ever get tired of being wrong about, though, is people. I love when they exceed my expectations. I love when they shoot down my premature judgments, and when they turn out to be the dead opposite of what I thought they were all about. It's a constant reminder that we don't know someone else's story. We don't know what they've been through, or where they're going. We sure as hell don't know their motives, and their heartaches, and their strengths--at least not at first glance. 

But if we were to listen, or to give second chances, or to look into their eyes rather than at their imperfections, maybe we could start to understand their motives and their heartaches and their strengths. And, arguably the most significant thing of all, maybe we could start to understand how they're not really all that incomparable to ourselves. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Greeted three separate people with hugs today; not something I typically do (it's usually a passing, "Hey, how're you, cool, later.") but I always feel really, really appreciative when someone takes the time to stop and hug me. Bitches People love hugs. 

(2). Called a Mr. Phil to see how he's doing, because he's currently stationed in California and I miss the hell out of him. He's just informed me that he "reads this blog while he poops." Awesome. You guys just tuck that into your subconscious as you continue on down the page. 

Help out a stranger

So I was herpderping along in Finn the Hyundai  and I came across this bitchin' parking spot right in front of the sub. But then there was this dude behind me who had obviously planned on parking there, and it was all rainy and stuff, so I kept herpderping along and let him take it. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Went on an impromptu adventure in the aforementioned rain to find a carrot cake for Clarisse's friend's birthday. I hadn't thought that carrot cakes were a particularly obscure desert choice, but turns out that the bakeries around here only sell it by the slice. Go figure. Stop and Shop ftw. 

Adorable. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Stopped the abandoned-responsibilities-for-three-days-and-now-I'm-screwed onslaught of homework to watch a half hour of documentary clips. Reading that sentence back to myself, I'm realizing I should probably get a less-productive vegging activity. I'm a borderline pathetic human and an even worse college kid. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Affirmativex2.

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

So today in my contemplative thought class, we all had to participate in a walking meditation. Now it's all fine and dandy to sit in a class full of twenty-some-odd students in complete silence with your eyes closed, but it's a completely different matter when those same twenty-some-odd students are trudging single-file baby-duckling-style up and down a hallway at .2 miles an hour, passing classrooms and getting dirty looks from the secretaries whose desks unfortunately happen to face the door. You could sense everyone's discomfort, because hey, we looked like assholes, but I put a genuine effort toward giving no thought to it and emptying my mind. Obtaining both mental and physical peace whilst enduring death-glares is no easy task, but I managed for a second or two there. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above.
(2). See below. 
(3). See this addiction that severely needs to stop. Especially now that I feel like a massive tool+hipster (toolster?) for having taken a picture of my food. At least your retinas haven't been burned by a  filtered photograph that was either taken with Instagram or whilst inside a lightbulb. You're welcome.

Meditate

See above, baby duckling style. Ahhh yeah. 

• Look up at the sky 

The sun was trying really, really hard to come out all day, and then around one-thirty it gave in to the rain. It's been pouring since, but I was able to snap this guy beforehand. Few things I love more than witnessing a struggle between natural forces. Yeah, it reminds us that we're not the only things subject to suffering. But it also reminds us that there's always a reconciliation period; a calm both before and after the storm[s]. 

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Day Twenty-Four

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::Insert trying-to-be-insightful paragraph here and then expand on it whilst revealing what I've learned about life and the choices I make within it::

Except not really, because I'm exhausted and I've got to be up crazy early tomorrow to do homework and laundry before I head back to school. Gonna be a short one, you guys. 

• Show two people how much they mean to me

(1). Spent the evening with a Miss Kristin so we could have dinner together and talk through some stuff. Adore this girl. 

(2). Spent some more time with my aforementioned-awesome-and-vulgar mother. 

Help out a stranger

Didn't get to this one today. I severely underestimate how much my social life diminishes when I don't have my car. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Going to be honest here, I don't think I used my brain once since I woke up this morning. It was a go-with-the-flow kind of day, and I sort of just agreed to doing whatever came at me. 

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Started off the morning with some tea and a book at the kitchen table. Hands down my favorite room in the house. There's windows everywhere and I feel like I'm in a fishbowl. 

• Write here and write elsewhere

Yes and yes. Freewrote for about an hour this morning--just opened up a blank document and rolled with it--and I was surprised how effortless it ended up being. Since I started taking formal writing classes in college, I stopped being able to do that for a bit. I guess I was getting so caught up with rules and rhetoric and boundaries that I forgot how unnecessary they can be when you're trying to move forward. 

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." Albert Einstein 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

Stayed pretty firmly rooted in my comfort zone today. Think this is the most I've ever missed since starting this challenge. You know. Except for those couple weeks right smack in the middle where I straight-up just didn't update. 

• Take three pictures of three beautiful things.

(1). See above.
(2). See above.
(3). See this teddy bear (Flakes) that was Kristin's favorite while she was growing up. I feel like someone's childhood toy says a whole lot about the type of person they are. Kind of how no one's surprised when they find out that I'd bitten the face off my baby doll and carried her around afterwards. 

Meditate

Decided to try something different and do short five-minute intervals three separate times throughout the day. Not that today was particularly stressful, but it helped, and I know I'll need this technique when I get back to school tomorrow and find out just how much homework I've blatantly ignored. 

• Look up at the sky 

Really, really nice out today, but the wind cut right through. Couldn't handle it for more than ten minutes. Tomorrow's another day. 

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Days Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three

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Right then. So updating didn't happen for me last night, and I'm pretty okay with that. Not that I ever doubted how much I love coming back here, but really, it's hands down the best way to remind myself that things can be easy if you step back and let them. 

A huge factor in deciding to duck out of Pennsylvania: the idea that if I was ever going to travel as much as I'd hoped, I'd better get pretty damn good at adjusting. It helped an insane amount to pick up and start over again--a constant reminder that change never quits, so you're way better off learning how to maneuver through every new moment rather than trying to change the old ones. Still, that being said, I never, ever get tired of backtracking to this place. There's just something about the town I know like the back of my hand, the four walls that changed with me, and the familiar faces who--whether I'm spilling my innermost dreams, fears, and philosophies or talking straight out of my ass--never express anything except the effortlessness of home. 

• Show two four people how much they mean to me

(1). Got dropped off by Pattwell, Tom, and Mike, threw some clean clothes on as fast as humanly possible, and jetted out to see my dad's band play. Grew up hearing those guys, and  there still remain few things I'd rather be doing on a Friday night. Still, I know my dad gets a kick out of the fact that I go whenever I'm home. He asks me on a regular basis why I don't prefer DJs like a normal kid. Go figure. 

(2). Called a friend I hadn't spoken to in about three years to catch up and see how he was doing. Do me and the rest of the world a huge favor and check up on someone you haven't spoken to in a bit. You never know how much, at that exact second, they might need the reminder that they're not forgotten. 

(3). Spent the afternoon/early evening with this lady right here. 

Twenty years later and we're still on the exact same page with everything from life values to borderline demented sense of humor. Went to one of our favorite cafes--one that apparently serves smoothies--because Mel had a root canal and needed her food in mush-form. This place makes me want to vomit rainbows. 

Confession time. The skill and precision of that first photograph can be credited to none other than Melanie Grace. Yeah. That's my elbow. I was initially going to try to play it off like I took it, but this is a blog about honesty and self-development and I might as well otherwise have changed the name to "New Perspectives My Ass." 

(4). Crawled into bed with my mom for a bit to talk, as A). I'm a dweeb who still exhibits tendencies that are common amongst six year olds (use of the terminology 'dweeb' not excluded from that claim) and B). My mom's cooler--and probably way more vulgar--than I'll ever be, so I'm hoping some of it will get absorbed through osmosis or something. Not the vulgarity, though. I'm good on that one. 

• Help out a two stranger[s]

(1). So this dude at the bar last night was getting hardcore hit on by a not-all-that-sober woman he clearly wasn't into, but it was also pretty apparent that he was trying hard not to bruise her ego in the process of turning her down. I called him over like I knew him to give him an easy out, and while that technically leaves me at a karma score of 0 (helping out a stranger only to bullshit another) I'll call this one a little white lie in the name of best possible outcomes. 

(2). Danced with this 80-something-year-old old guy who was dancing alone to a song he requested. No one should ever have to dance alone to a song that they requested. It's like celebrating your birthday on your own, because how often do bands actually play the songs you tell them to? Exactly. Like, once a year. Just kidding; my dad's band's pretty good about that. Meatloaf ftw. 

• Live instead of sleeping thinking

Opted not to censor, tone down, or subdue myself in the face of a first impression. And considering all the highly offensive, socially-unacceptable things that could've come out of my mouth, all things considered, I'd say it went pretty well. I figure that people are going to get to know your quirks and idiosyncrasies and--in this case--blunt-to-the-point-of-severe-word-vomit tendencies sooner or later, so maybe it's just better to weed them out right from the start. At least you know who'd have wasted your time and who's going to stick by you even when it's six AM and you're speaking solely in outdated internet-meme references. 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

• Do something good for myself, by myself

Being back here for couple days. Even if it's not the most diligent of choices, sometimes a change of scenery does a lot more for your motivation than you'd ever guess.   

• Write here and write elsewhere

Check and check, overdue and way, way overdue. 

• Make a conscious decision to leave my comfort zone

After the aforementioned first impression, the stay-in-touch question arose (and whereas normally I'd peace while I was ahead) I pushed myself to say yes. Not going to lie--as though it's not obvious enough by the fact that I've chosen this instance for this objective, this one's pretty rough for me. I guess there's this pressure to live up to initial expectations on both ends, and if you don't, it's a big let-down and another didn't-work-out chilling in your phone contacts. But there's also something to be said about taking a blind risk every once in a while. 

“A lifetime isn't forever, so take the first chance... Because sometimes, there aren't second chances. And if it turns out to be a mistake? So what? This is life. A whole bunch of mistakes.”-C. JoyBell C.

• Take three six pictures of three six beautiful things.

(1). See above x4
(5). See below x1
(6). See this puppy that Melanie and I saw when we made the mistake of going into a pet store today. Instantly fell in love, you guys. Look at that way-too-tiny nose and that gives-no-shits demeanor. We're clearly meant for each other.  

Meditate

None whatsoever. I'll try before bed. 

• Look up at the sky 

Words can easily describe how gross out it was today. But words can't describe how gorgeous it was on Friday, so let's just take that ineffability and call it optimism. 

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